It's been a week plus since it happened. Narrow escape I would say (in part thanks to the driver's quick but not so quick response). Oh yes it's good news that I wasn't hurt but the experience scared the life off me. I know that by me not getting hurt is more important but then all I wanted was someone to care for me and not tell me that it's normal and everything's gonna be fine. Obviously I know that but I felt extremely fragile despite the defensive angry mode I put out. The image of the car coming towards me stayed in my mind all the time. I get the chill whenever there are cars coming fast on the opposite direction or a car that's way too near me now. At the moment of the accident, I was frightened and I wish that the one that walked away was there. Why so I asked myself...I don't know. I guessed I needed someone to comfort me, someone to hug me and assure me that I'm alright.
P.S. To all drivers and future drivers out there-Be responsible of your live and the lives of each and every road users' whenever you're at the driver's seat.
June 28, 2009
Who Am I?
Have I made myself invinsible or have I been like this all this while? Why do I get the feeling of being left out in conversations among friends and family? Am I a tough person to talk to? Am I an attention seeker? Who am I? Am I too proud of myself? Did I put myself on a pedestal that I build myself? Am I too self absorbed? Who am I? Why am I having all this doubts? Am I losing myself? Who am I? Who am I? =(
Am I OK?
25 years old and I am not sure where is my life heading to, is it normal? Working but on contract, besides friends and family what else do I really own? Nothing. No someone to come back to, no place to call my own, yikes. Blessed as I am sometimes it's tough. Am I gonna achieve something in my life? Will I be proud when I look back when I'm in my eighties? So many questions, so many doubts. Who can answer? Or guide me in finding my life? I am tired
April 11, 2009
Clubs
Many of us go to the clubs for very different reasons. Loud thumping music, booze, dances in the name to release stress. Personally I don’t really enjoy going to clubs, I prefer spending time at lounges or pubs because at these places I can just sit and maybe chat without being pulled and tortured to dance. Moving your body to the music is not the kind of dancing that I do. Yes I love dancing but being a classical ballet learner I simply don’t agree in dancing in clubs. So what’s the reason for me going to the clubs? Simple, I am there for the music and (controlled) booze. I don’t agree in damaging my precious liver for a few hours of craziness. I admire those who can sway and gyrate to the music played in clubs but I hope you can understand that I am different. If I feel comfortable standing or sitting by the table, do let me. Please don’t drag me to the dance floor or push a few more drinks in me so that I can relax. It won’t work. Call me stubborn, call me party pooper, I don’t care.
Harmony no more?
I used to think that I am blessed with a harmonious family. Unfortunately this picture has gone ugly in recent years more so after the departure of my beloved grandma. Tempers are flaring, misunderstandings that leads to unnecessary arguments are doubling, misunderstood actions, tension is everywhere. Mum commented yesterday, “We’re all now wearing a mask in front of one another.” Can’t agree more. Why are we being like this to our own family? Why all the unnecessary arguments? And between their spouses too? Can’t they sit down and discuss calmly what’s in their mind like an adult should? When all these complaints going to stop? Mum have been their indirect complaint centre, indirectly being stressed (already she worries about the slightest thing) and indirectly affects us the children. I understand that all these are beyond my intervention and I should at all time respect my elders, but I can’t bring myself to respect these nonsensical complaints and behaviour anymore. Please do spare us from this torture, be an adult, smooth it out yourself. GROW UP ALREADY! ARGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Lonely
Strangely my dad has been commenting about my social life. Truly I have been spending more time indoor, in the comfort and safety of my cocoon more often these past few years comparatively. Guessed it is part of growing up. I used to spend lots of time hanging out with friends until the wee mornings. But as all of us grow up we have our own life to attend too. Our career is starting to take shape hence more time is being spend here. I’m blessed with a job that does not require me to work overtime or to bring home work unlike most of my friends. Besides we have our own family to be with too. As for those who are attached they will spend more time with their other halves. Being single is not fun all the time. I miss being with someone- talking, sharing, laughing, loving. I miss those hugs and sweet nothings. At times like this I could only relive past memories. I do envy friends who are happily attached and singles that are happy being single. I used to feel that being single is great but at this moment a part of me is missing. Staying happy and single all the time is not so easy after all. My soul is craving for warm happy moments again.
Change
Have I changed? Have you changed? Or is it my perception? Recently things aren’t going smoothly as usual. We don’t talk as openly as before. There seem to be something hidden- something when spoken it will hurt us. Is it true or am I thinking too much? I wish we could go back to those happier and freer times.
March 14, 2009
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