What if...

There're things i wanna tell you but i cant. Dont know when or how i have fallen for you. You're a rather charming person, mysterious always. I like you for you're true to yourself, never hiding who you truly are or at least that's how I feel about you. You're pretty interesting, mysterious and yet true to yourself, haha. You're the only guy thus far that makes me believe that long distance relationship is possible. Maybe you gave an outlook that you're stable and matured. I dont know how you feel about me but I hope that you'll be able to find your better half and lead a happy life one day. Even though I tell you how I feel now I dont think it's the wisest thing to do for I'm leaving and I dont know where life will take me to. I cant ask you to wait here for me. And what if it's just me who feels this way for you? I'm afraid I'll lose you as a friend. It's just too risky. So things should just go on as it is.

Thank you

Yvonne dearest, you came into my life when I needed someone the most without you realising. Thank you for hearing me out all this time. You're remarkably a wonderful friend, I hope that you will be able to find your true, sincere and honest life partner. I hope that no matter what happens, you, Li Ping and Sim Ee will always remain as best friends. It's not easy to find friends that can stay on with another for so long. No matter how busy your lives gonna be, dont ever forget them. I know you won't because I see in you that you treasure this friendship a lot. I wish you well in everything. Thank you gal!

Just another phase in life

I am feeling so distant from you gals lately. Both of you are in a totally different league now, with a partner and great career life, we have not been hanging out as much as before (sounding like a whiner). I understand how busy your lives can be and I'm truly happy that things are going your way. Now that I'll going away for 10 months and maybe more, I don't know how our friendship will be, will it be as strong as before? Going abroad means starting a new life, I really hope that you gals will be there for me to give me the encouragement I will need, would you? I am starting to doubt it because even when we're here you gals are so impossible to reach. Have you ever stop in your busy life and ask how am I?

Kitti: I am so happy that you got married and leading a blissful life. You've been a great friend, always there when I needed you. However at this point of time, your new life have taken a more important note. I wish you all the best and may things change for the better for both of us again later.

Pei Hwa: Can't believe it had been more than a decade I have known you. It's truly my blessing to have you as my best pal. Always the logical and practical one. Haha I can't believe that I would be able to see you 'manja-ing' with Kai Yuan, but it's nice to see the softer side of you. Even though I don't know how your relationship with him have been but I hope that things will work out for the both of you. As for your career, I see you're soaring up and above; that's great!

No matter how busy life will be for you I hope you'll take care of yourselves and not drown yourselves in work. I feel sidelined for not being able to be part of your lives, this decision of going abroad will definitely be my greatest leap of finding my life and going my own way. We have reached our crossroads, you gals trudged ahead in the junctions you chose long time ago, and now I have chosen mine and from here I'll go on on my own; till once again we meet again and continue our lives in parallel. No matter where life brings me to, you both will always have a place in my heart. Like the saying, 'rather be faraway but near in the heart than to be faraway even near'!

All the best in your lives! Love you always!

1st Major Accident

It's been a week plus since it happened. Narrow escape I would say (in part thanks to the driver's quick but not so quick response). Oh yes it's good news that I wasn't hurt but the experience scared the life off me. I know that by me not getting hurt is more important but then all I wanted was someone to care for me and not tell me that it's normal and everything's gonna be fine. Obviously I know that but I felt extremely fragile despite the defensive angry mode I put out. The image of the car coming towards me stayed in my mind all the time. I get the chill whenever there are cars coming fast on the opposite direction or a car that's way too near me now. At the moment of the accident, I was frightened and I wish that the one that walked away was there. Why so I asked myself...I don't know. I guessed I needed someone to comfort me, someone to hug me and assure me that I'm alright.

P.S. To all drivers and future drivers out there-Be responsible of your live and the lives of each and every road users' whenever you're at the driver's seat.

Who Am I?

Have I made myself invinsible or have I been like this all this while? Why do I get the feeling of being left out in conversations among friends and family? Am I a tough person to talk to? Am I an attention seeker? Who am I? Am I too proud of myself? Did I put myself on a pedestal that I build myself? Am I too self absorbed? Who am I? Why am I having all this doubts? Am I losing myself? Who am I? Who am I? =(

Am I OK?

25 years old and I am not sure where is my life heading to, is it normal? Working but on contract, besides friends and family what else do I really own? Nothing. No someone to come back to, no place to call my own, yikes. Blessed as I am sometimes it's tough. Am I gonna achieve something in my life? Will I be proud when I look back when I'm in my eighties? So many questions, so many doubts. Who can answer? Or guide me in finding my life? I am tired

Clubs

Many of us go to the clubs for very different reasons. Loud thumping music, booze, dances in the name to release stress. Personally I don’t really enjoy going to clubs, I prefer spending time at lounges or pubs because at these places I can just sit and maybe chat without being pulled and tortured to dance. Moving your body to the music is not the kind of dancing that I do. Yes I love dancing but being a classical ballet learner I simply don’t agree in dancing in clubs. So what’s the reason for me going to the clubs? Simple, I am there for the music and (controlled) booze. I don’t agree in damaging my precious liver for a few hours of craziness. I admire those who can sway and gyrate to the music played in clubs but I hope you can understand that I am different. If I feel comfortable standing or sitting by the table, do let me. Please don’t drag me to the dance floor or push a few more drinks in me so that I can relax. It won’t work. Call me stubborn, call me party pooper, I don’t care.

Harmony no more?

I used to think that I am blessed with a harmonious family. Unfortunately this picture has gone ugly in recent years more so after the departure of my beloved grandma. Tempers are flaring, misunderstandings that leads to unnecessary arguments are doubling, misunderstood actions, tension is everywhere. Mum commented yesterday, “We’re all now wearing a mask in front of one another.” Can’t agree more. Why are we being like this to our own family? Why all the unnecessary arguments? And between their spouses too? Can’t they sit down and discuss calmly what’s in their mind like an adult should? When all these complaints going to stop? Mum have been their indirect complaint centre, indirectly being stressed (already she worries about the slightest thing) and indirectly affects us the children. I understand that all these are beyond my intervention and I should at all time respect my elders, but I can’t bring myself to respect these nonsensical complaints and behaviour anymore. Please do spare us from this torture, be an adult, smooth it out yourself. GROW UP ALREADY! ARGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Lonely

Strangely my dad has been commenting about my social life. Truly I have been spending more time indoor, in the comfort and safety of my cocoon more often these past few years comparatively. Guessed it is part of growing up. I used to spend lots of time hanging out with friends until the wee mornings. But as all of us grow up we have our own life to attend too. Our career is starting to take shape hence more time is being spend here. I’m blessed with a job that does not require me to work overtime or to bring home work unlike most of my friends. Besides we have our own family to be with too. As for those who are attached they will spend more time with their other halves. Being single is not fun all the time. I miss being with someone- talking, sharing, laughing, loving. I miss those hugs and sweet nothings. At times like this I could only relive past memories. I do envy friends who are happily attached and singles that are happy being single. I used to feel that being single is great but at this moment a part of me is missing. Staying happy and single all the time is not so easy after all. My soul is craving for warm happy moments again.

Change

Have I changed? Have you changed? Or is it my perception? Recently things aren’t going smoothly as usual. We don’t talk as openly as before. There seem to be something hidden- something when spoken it will hurt us. Is it true or am I thinking too much? I wish we could go back to those happier and freer times.

Time

Time flies by really fast these days whether you're busy with work or not.

Evil, selfish me

I did it again.....what's wrong with me? I would love to fall in love again but the fear of getting hurt yet again is too daunting. I'm truly sorry if my actions had let you on and I'm sorry for breaking your heart. Please forgive me. I know very well that we'll be different from now on, I can't blame anyone, it's my own doings, I feel so stupid. But some say in love there's no right or wrong, no black no white. Dear Lord, please help me to handle these situations better the next time around.

Heartbreaker

It's different

It had been 4 months since I left Research Laboratory 3, Level 3 of Monash University. Throughout my Honours year in this lab, many events had taken place. I missed the people in this lab- Angela, Mei Zhen, Ice, Iris, Chien Wen- many of us have left and our seats have been replaced by new people whom I don't share as much time as I had with these 5 girls. I miss these times- mahjong, swimming, karaoke, dinners, lunches etc. There were events where I had been having with the new girls, they are nice people but I feel awkward for the atmosphere and conversation now is different. They are engaged with their little little conversations which I don't understand for I have left. Lab 3 has a new life which I am not part of anymore. Sad but this is life, everyone has to move forward!

Adoration

• I just simply adore old couples who still hold each others hands, just like when they were young and deeply in love. I find them really sweet and so loving. I hope I will find my other half and be able to hold his hands till we're old. I wish I could find someone whom I could fall in love with everyday (and vice-versa).
• A SMILE brightens anyones day, no matter from whom. I love to see the smiles of loved ones, babies and children. I love to hear their laughters. This simple gesture fills one heart to the brim with happiness and blessings. SMILE and the world SMILES with you :D
• I am not much of a talker, never the one to start a conversation. To some and especially to new friends, I could be a boring person. But I love talking. I am truly thankful for I was blessed with 2 girlfriends whom I enjoyed talking to without holding back my thoughts and feelings. Once I had a close guy friend whom I could chat with for hours, I lost him for quite sometime but I know that one day we will be able to chat again just like before. We are now busy building our own career and personal life, but whenever there's a chance to sit and chill, I treasure these moments no doubt.
• I am loving each day, each new day is full of adventures and treasures yet to be discovered.
  

Nostalgic

I love egg tarts and I have tried from several places- HK's John King (Pavilion); Canton-i; mini egg tarts from a coffee shop along jln imbi; and Tong Kee Brothers. No doubt egg tarts from each of these confectioneries are tasty and special in their way, but I still love the egg tarts from Tong Kee, for their egg tarts are really delicious and maybe because of nostalgic reasons. My late paternal grand dad whom we called 'Yeh Yeh', used to buy these lovely delicacy for us kids whenever he goes to town, even when he was in his 70's. Every time I get a bite of it memories of my beloved Yeh Yeh comes back. He went back to the Lord for a decade now, but I still feel him here, by us all the time. I used to make Yeh Yeh proud because I could complete a jigsaw puzzle all by myself when I was 3 or 4 and when I excelled in my studies, I hope I'm still making him proud today. Not only him, I hope I'm still making my paternal grand mum (MaMa) and maternal grand dad (GongGong) proud today and always. I miss them.


I hope my family are proud of me even though I could not be perfect.

Barefoot Interview- almost

What an embarrassing day! Had a 2nd interview at THONEH- I sure hope I'll be employed! One word of caution: Do not, i repeat- DO NOT ever wear shoes that have been kept untouched for almost a year to anywhere!!

After a change of shoes to match my outfit, I went off for the scheduled interview. However, as I was walking from the parking area (open parking lot- about 2-3 minutes walk), my right heels came OFF...OMG! I was trying to keep it intact but to no avail, after a few struggling steps, I decided to snap it off. So here I was due for an the interview and almost barefooted, I made my way to the HR dept, went through the interview and finally threw the shoes away right after - Bye Bye Shoes :( There were few other interviewees.....my goodness I dare not think what was they thinking about my very, indeed very peculiar dressing. I hope the interviewers didn't notice the disaster! I walked barefoot from the hospital lobby (thank God, the crowd wasn't that big or maybe on the hindsight it should be busier, at least I could get off without being noticed) back to my car on hot pavements. Was practically running but then the pavement is stony and hot. End up having painful soles now....what a day!